The Beginning

I’ve felt compelled to write a blog to catalogue the journey I’m beginning to embark in. I don’t know what is coming in the days and months ahead, but I can feel that it’s something big. Every time something new happens that is a new discovery or step further in my journey, I am realizing that these milestones are starting to blend together and I don’t want to forget what has brought me here, or where I’m going. And so I must write.

It all started a couple of months ago. Well, maybe before that with seeds planted, but I only truly let go in January of 2017 in the biggest way. 
For personal reasons I won’t devulge on the catalyst that changed it all, but I will say that what it did was allow me to let go. Let go of the pain, let go of the fear, trust in divine intervention, trust in the Universe…trust in Myself.

I opened up and let down the walls around me.

You see, my daughter was born in July 2016, and when she was things started to change within me gradually. I don’t know exactly when my revolation about my photography business took place after her birth, but it suddenly dawned on me that I needed to be photographing families in lifestyle and storytelling settings. I realized the only things that matter are the memories and relationships that we share with the people we love most. I’ve become obsessed with the beauty of life and the beauty of the love that we have inside ourselves. The celebration of love in the most real way possible has become my truth, and not only do I need to be photographing families in their real lives in order to honour that, but I will give my subjects the opportunity to share their truth in the process by capturing their most authentic family dynamic.

It was like this bolt of lightening; YES! It is so clear, so obvious! I know this is my path and I will succeed. For the first time I don’t feel unworthy of success, or just another photographer of many. For the first time I’m not making my choices based on what is selling among others now, or what I think people like. I’m just following my heart and because of that the insecurity is gone. You can’t go wrong when you are clear about your passion. The Universe will always root for you to follow your dreams and as long as you trust that with everything inside you then there is no way you can falter.

The moment I realized what I must do I truly felt that I was already accomplishing it and already successful. They say that when using the Law of Attraction to get to where you want to be that you must feel that you have it in every way. Visualize, get excited, and truly trust and know that you’re not only going to get it, but since you’ve made that intention, in terms of energy, you already have it! This is all well and good in theory, and the amount of times I’ve “tried” that with no prevail can’t be counted. This time was different. It’s like it wasn’t even me who decided on this photography venture. It was bigger than me. And I had to trust it because something that wasn’t my own inner voice kept telling me that there is nothing to question. For the first time in my life, the law of attraction became effortless.

Fast forward to January and my catalyst. Sure there was no doubt about my ambitions for storytelling photography in the Fall, but I was still stuck in my old routine and old business projects that were already in motion. Despite my optimism for my future, in the present moment I was stressed beyond belief; struggling to juggle my new motherhood with my business ambitions, and feeling more and more disconnected from my husband by the hour. But this particular weekend breathed Life back into my lungs and into my home. This was the moment I chose happiness and this was the moment when the Universe began to provide in every way.

This blog is going to be about my journey as the Universe walks with me in discovering my highest potential in my career, my family, and love. It will also be about the Spirituality that comes with trusting the Universe and how my Spiritual growth will evolve because I have a feeling I’m at the tip of the iceberg.

In my next post I’ll talk about what my next steps were to be true to myself and focus on achieving my happiest self. I will tell you about the first small manifestations that began to roll in and how my spirituality and self exploration has evolved in the process of it all!

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Divine Love is Yours

I realized today that if we’re in this life with not everyone physically here from our soul group, then there are some soul mates who are with you always as souls from the other side. There are soul mates who in another life (or this life and have passed) gave us such divine love that we felt invincible.

And that’s not even touching the fact that once this body isn’t here to separate you from everyone else, you realize that not only are you divine love already but so is everyone else, and we are all so energetically connected in the most personal way.

And so, if you’re looking for divine love and you are wondering why you can’t find it… stop wondering and realize it’s already yours. You are divine love, and you are surrounded by souls who have and will always divinely love you, not to mention your Angels who’s literal job is to guide and love you unconditionally.

So even if in this moment you feel more alone now than ever. You are so incredibly surrounded by love. Just get quiet and allow yourself to feel it.

And when you question your worthiness of it, you just remember it’s always been yours. And when you do your vibration will share to the universe that you are grateful for it, and ready for even more.

How wonderful to know that a soul mate is comforting or celebrating with you right now. I just love that. ❤️

My Akashic Records Revealed

In my last entry I talked about my awakening. It was a massive breakthrough that opened the door to my Akashic Records and I am forever changed. 

MY CHILDHOOD:

My childhood had conditioned me to 2 major life traumas;

1. If you romantically love someone, that will not be validated.

2. It is really difficult to achieve success and people around you don’t expect you to succeed.

MEETING MY FIRST SOULMATE:

For the first time I was shown that love can be validated. The challenge was to trust this to be true and enjoy the ride. Instead, I let the opinions of the outside world, and my fears based on past experience dictate how I handled the love I felt. The more alive the love, the more afraid I felt of it. I was sure the bottom was going to drop. 

So I left him before he could leave me. To protect myself. Which only sent me into a deep depression and yearning for what I had lost. 

He wouldn’t take me back, and now I know why. I didn’t learn my lesson so he wasn’t meant to. I had to feel my love invalidated again in a more intense scale so that I could grow to overcome it.

MOVING ON:

Instead I became even more guarded and protective of my heart. 

I knew that great love was out there for me now which was an important lesson to learn. And so much of me did lean on that knowing. I dated confidently now. I wasn’t afraid to flirt or meet men. That was a big deal. 

The Universe saw that change in me and sent along my next soulmate.

MY SECOND SOULMATE:

Deep down my soul knew that this soul was another who would spark the enormous love back into my life. So I kept him at arms length for a very long time, as a protection.

Finally he broke me when he moved to California and I think the safety of him being so far away allowed me to let down my guard knowing that nothing more could come of it then fun flirtation.

We were so intimately connected even though he was so far away. When he planned to come home for Christmas that year we decided to have a romantic couple of days together. It was so perfect, so true, and yet when he left to walk out the door my heart was aching with disbelief that we would never be together. 

THE CHOICE:

A few weeks before my romantic rendezvous with Soulmate 2, I met his Counterpart. 

He was a really nice guy, and we had a lot in common artistically but he wouldn’t kiss me. He wouldn’t connect with me beyond an intellectual level. And while the intellectual level was wonderful, it didn’t fuel my soul. 

When Soulmate 2 left I had a choice. Let go of all fear that love will not catch me and follow him to California – OR – “protect” myself from my emotions and stay in my new job, with the safe Counterpart.

I didn’t pass the test.

REPERCUSSIONS:

Immediately after I was meant to follow Soulmate 2 and decidedly didn’t… my boss became an emotionally abusive asshole. And when I left that boss, I found another one equally abusive. 

My relationship with the Counterpart became dissatisfying quickly. We couldn’t connect, and we were beginning to bud heads.

But still I “protected” myself from heartache by NOT leaving, and deciding to try to “work” on the things that didn’t fit.

The Universe gave me a shit storm in life. I had no friends, I was away from family, I was in an unhappy relationship, and I had lost my passion for photography because of my horrible bosses. 

I had a big lesson to learn and yet I was so blind.

1ST MOMENT OF CLARITY:

After 5 years with the Counterpart I knew I had to leave. I knew life wasn’t as it should be and at this point the budding heads had become screaming matches.

He wore me down. Promising me change and committing to move back to my home town with me.

Now this is the unique thing about this Counterpart. He is my perfect match for learning my lessons because he is a mirror for the exact lessons I needed to learn. He is very fearful of everything in life and he is extremely self righteous about those fears. He can throw every single ego driven reason to doubt any decision at you, until something resonates with you and you give into it yet again.

We moved to my home town and continued to live a mediocre life filled with doubt and a desire for more. Always fighting, but always blaming our external sources for each issue that came at us. 

PREGNANT:

When my daughter was conceived I had come into an abrupt awakening.  I had no idea I was pregnant but became overwhelmed with the knowing that the Counterpart and I were not meant to be. I knew I deserved magic. 

I have since learned through Universal signs pointing me to a passage, that told me that my daughter is my Guide. And she came into my life because I was stuck and not getting through my lessons on my own. Literal Divine Intervention.

I know that her being in my womb was her first step in beginning to plant ideas and trigger emotions within me. 

We decided to stay together once I learned I was pregnant. But the desire for more was intense and so my spiritual journey began.

I became obsessed with inspirational books, the Tao de Ching. I wanted to live toxin free and eat cleanly. I was determined to find the pure me again.

MY SPIRITUAL JOURNEY:

My daughter showed me the preciousness of true love. With her I didn’t have to worry about the conditions of her love for me, or mine for her because I knew it was eternal. 

Through her my calling was sparked and I realized that my purpose was to share the celebration of love with the world. To encourage people to remember that we are all love and that is all we ever need to be.

She sparked my passion for Storytelling Photography. Capturing the true essence of relationships and love. 

She sparked my thirst to want to be everything I am meant to be without going back to jobs that didn’t fit that. 

She sparked my thirst for Spirituality and meeting more in my community. Absorbing and learning anything I could. Developing a spiritual daily practice for myself. 

And through all of that my distain for my marriage rose, and my knowing that all isn’t well became clear.

1ST SEPARATION:

I knew I had to leave the Counterpart, but the fear was still there. I had read and learned so much about the Universe, and I was actively trying to lean and pushing through fears every day. But there was still something within me that didn’t let go of that fear. But that’s the point. We must push through the fear in order to see the truth, that the only thing to fear is fear itself.

He sparked doubt in me yet again when he brought to light my short comings and the fact that I haven’t been a peach to live with either. I became renewed to try one more time. If I improved, then he would improve by association.

SELF REFLECTION:

After trying to be my best for a few weeks I sank into somewhat of a depression. I was unmotivated and lethargic. 

I was still obsessed with my Spiritual Journey and always learning. 

This was the perfect recipe for my Spiritual Awakening and my key to the Akashic Records. My discontent, mixed with my desire to learn, and my obsession for self reflection led to a breakthrough that can never be undone.

THE BREAKTHROUGH:

Why do I act horrible with the Counterpart?

Because you’re in pain. You can’t be your best self because you are Denying your pain and therefore it is seeping into every area of your life. The pain needs to come out somehow if you won’t honour it.

So if I’m in pain, because I’m in a dissatifyed marriage, then I will never be my best self until I leave. 

Correct.

And then it all made sense. And the teenage psychic reading about SOULMATE 2 being my destined husband and that I’d follow him to the US came flooding in. And I saw the lesson I was meant to learn about trusting in love. And I saw how my boss became horrible after that time. And I saw that I couldn’t run from PAIN ANYWAY so the safe route wasn’t safe at all!!

And then I saw that from now on life will be easy. My business is going to boom, I will find another Soulmate, and I will be living my life in a spiral of love forever and eternity.

I see the game. I know the game. Just trust. We make it so hard but it’s so easy. Just trust.

My next post will be about my revelations of the game we are all just pawns playing out. 

Seeing my life from the other side. Officially Awake.

What do you do once you officially awaken?? 

I “woke up” yesterday. It was the most intense moment of my life and I can’t share it with anyone because the world won’t truly understand.

The Universe showed me what’s wrong in my marriage and why it will never be what we wish it would. It also showed me the life I was meant to lead and the exact cross roads where I chose safety instead of my destiny. And now I’m completely transformed while at the same time mourning the beautiful life I lost.

Viewing all this was like being that Spirit at the end of my life looking at what went wrong and how I should have done things differently. Only I’m still in my life, and I can still redirect to my path. But how has that path changed? Is my soul mate destined to come back to me, or has that ship sailed? Is there another soul who will compliment mine? 

I’m so heart broken over this loss, which seems so bizarre in earthly terms because the rest of the world won’t even see that there was a loss. But I learned from Matt Khan yesterday to honour your pain and not to push it away. I think it was the powerful act of doing that that opened me up to the divine guidance I’ve been longing for.

It’s so hard when the rest of the world has no idea of how wrong it’s all gone. And my husband has no idea that we will never “work things out”, because we were never meant to.

I am the Universe

Wow.

I’m in awe of everything in this moment and I hope I never come down from this awakening. It’s all been burst open thanks to the incredibly insightful and remarkable Matt Khan. (Please YouTube his talks…) I watched 2 videos and my body is exhausted from the intense upleveling that has occurred. 

I get it now. I know who I am. I am connected to who I am. There was this “othering” I was creating, like there was “me” the body, and “me” the higher self. I was the body, and the higher self was unattenable. NOW I realize, I am the higher self confusing myself as the body. And everything that happens to my body in this lifetime are things my body must learn, but I already know the answers. And so I am only here to help guide my body through those lessons as a loving support. What a freeing feeling to realize. 

Suddenly, any pain, any disappointment, any fear, can be acknowledged as the body’s process and I can watch objectively as that is worked through without trying to control it all. 

I am overwhelmed by this feeling of pure gratitude.

Thank you to my Angels and Guides who patiently stand by as I struggled to discover this year after year. Life time after life time.

Thank you to my body for putting up with my need to control everything instead of letting you just be. 

Thank you to the Universe for providing me with all of the right experience I needed to deliver me here, and to deliver me to future realizations.

I am nauseous with connectedness. My crown chakra is wide open and I can feel the energy from the entire world right at this moment. I am the same as you, as spirit, as nature, as the elements… I am the Universe.

Thank you. Let’s do this!

Time to start

I’m at the end of a rope. I’ve been here before. This is the time where my true trust in the Universe is releaved.

Sensing the end of my typically busy time of year, and the fear of December, January, and beyond. Will my passion and vision for my photography business take off as I hoped it would? I thought I would see evidence of this coming success by now. I would see that my January is bright with lots of storytelling opportunities on the way. But that’s not the nature of this business is it? 

And so here I am. Feeling very defeated. Exactly where I was in the Fall of 2014 when I tried to make a go of it then. I chose the road of fear and found myself a steady office job. And then again in the Fall of 2016 when I became fearful of whether we could survive on my mat leave pay and I found myself looking for another “safe” job with a 2 month old in tow. Luckily, the Universe couldn’t provide that “safe” job, and we did well this year without it. Then again this Summer I feared the worst when the Mat leave money had run its course. But I held true, because I could see a picture of steady income as I knew Fall would provide as it has in the past. 

But now is the truest test. Because all of those other occasions still granted me a cushion to fall on. They were scary but this is all me, and all trust. 
I’ve felt defeatist these past couple of months. The motivation and excitement that should be there right now has fallen to the way side and in its place is lethargy and despair. And now I have not done well in promoting myself for next month and I’m scared. I know that I can still turn things around, but I’m tired of the anxiety of it all. And part of me wants to give up and find that desk job and know I’m getting paid the same amount every week.

But that’s my Ego. 

Now let’s talk about what I know.

I know that I have lived 100s of lives. I know that I will go on from this life having learned the lessons I’m meant to overcome, or having to still try to learn them another time around. I know that I am the same as the trees and the earth. I know they don’t try so hard to be who they are meant to be. I know that my Angels and Guides are devoted to my life path’s success. I know that I am always safe. I know that if I would give in to my path with whole hearted trust and certainty, that it will all be perfect. 

Can I pass this threshold? Can I make it to January, and then February, and beyond with the faith and success I hope to attain? Can I get there without crippling in fear and resistance? 

Because I know the truth. I just have to live it.

Diving Deeper

This month is pretty exciting and honestly a little spooky for me spiritually! 
I’ve begun a couple rituals to further my growth and spirituality. 

The first is shadow work. This is the task of diving into your past traumas and your current triggers and self sabotaging stories to find out where they root from. When you realize that all of your blocks and agitations are stemmed from a learned defence to a previous life experience, you can also realize that it isn’t the REAL YOU!!! Whoa, right?? The challenge with shadow work is to revisit these traumas and insecurities once every day until you are so over them that they don’t define you and you are literally bored with the process. That’s when those unconscious beliefs are brought up and out, and the conscious ones that you actually want to shine (like, I can make all the money!) won’t be sabotaged internally!!

Shadow work also brings you closer to the true you. And by doing this you become more in tune with your higher self, and your spiritual gifts have an easier time expanding!

The second thing I’m beginning this month is a foundations course to learn my spiritual gifts and how to nurture them. I am so incredibly excited to begin this course!!

I’ve been told on 4 occasions by different Clair’s in the last 3 months, that my guides are telling me to get into nature to find my place in all of this and to truly find the magic within. I have to admit I’ve been bad in getting out there but I’m determined to be more diligent in this.

My final update is a reading I had with a medium on Wednesday. He said that I am soo powerful and that I’ve done so much work already and I am so connected. He said that I can do and see everything if I just would let go. He said that spirits play with my hair, and they wake up my daughter in the night to get me up because they want to communicate. He told me that I’ve been astral projecting even while awake. I look down at my hands and they’re my hands from a different lifetime. 

All of this made sense to me and was so validating for me. In terms of the astral projecting, what I have been seeing are swirls like vortexes, and only the week before a fellow WOOer told me that those are portals for astral projection. So when he said that I wasn’t surprised. 

He also told me I need to protect myself and my home!! As an empath, and honestly with a house full of spirit light bulbs between me, my husband, and baby, we need to be constantly cleansing and declaring that we will only allow energies that are interested in our highest good! As well as bubbling our rooms and home with a big white protective bubble. I’ve been slack about this, but now I’m saging the whole house once or twice a day!! It’s been two nights and it’s interesting because since I’ve begun saging every day my daughter has been sleeping much better in the night!! Crazy, eh? Although hopefully I won’t jinx that now! 

So, this is where I’m at. I’m forging head first into this and yet I’m petrified. It’s such a contridiction to want something so badly but to be soo afraid of it all at the same time.

It reminds me of the day before my daughter was born. I was soo sure on the Thursday night that I was going to give birth because I was getting cramps. And suddenly the fear of the pain coming my way became uncontrollable and I was shaking like a leaf. But after hours of panic the full contractions never came and I finally fell asleep.

By the time the contractions actually came in the morning the fear was gone. I knew that the universe wouldn’t give me anything I couldn’t handle, and I was so over the panic attack that I realized that the waiting was so much worse than actually living through it! 

So I’m scared, in that “night before birth” kind of way, where I know it’s about to happen and I have no idea what’s in store or how I’ll handle it. But yet, I also have a feeling that once I let go and let the Universe show me the world in the way I’ve always been meant to see it, I won’t be scared – I’ll be reborn.

Is it better to be “woke”??

I just watched a video on Facebook about Jim Carey’s recent opening up to the media about his spirituality. I decided to read through the comments and stumbled across this one:

In response to everyone in the comments, I want to continue this conversation & challenge each other. Because that’s how we all grow. I respect all of your perspectives & wan’t to hear more. In my opinion, by stating that you are “woke”, you are claiming that others are not. Therefore, you believe yourself to be beyond them in thought because you believe your way of thinking is “better”. Thus canceling out the whole argument of losing ones “self”. Hitler believed what he was doing was right, from most people’s perspective he was wrong. If we want to turn this way of thinking around on itself, does Hitler have to own up to what he did, or did it “just happen”, because “he does not exist”? Who’s to say he wasn’t enlightened from his own perspective? There’s these ways of thinking that help make “thinking” easier, & theres the reality that we are presently living in where you must force yourself to react & think for yourself. Becoming detached from reality, rather than just thinking for yourself doesn’t do anything besides make the person FEEL “enlightened”. But what does that really mean? How does one function beyond that self-induced state of enlightenment in relation to others in this world? How does it change their actions? Is their new behavior really them, or an act? That’s what I want to understand. Does any of that make sense? I’m open to feedback, this is a great conversation.

I decided to share my response because as I responded I never felt more clear and more sure about my beliefs than ever before and I think that I love his comment for bringing this out of me and for giving me a platform to verbalize how I feel best:

“James Rhymer I feel like when you declare you have woken up, you are simply describing that clarity you feel in the best way you know how. I can see the other side from those who haven’t gone through an awakening to take that word to mean that someone thinks their views are better than others. But those who are awake actually think this least of all. They know that we are all here to learn the lessons meant for us and that some people are living different views of life than others simply because this is where their soul needs to be at this time in their development. We know that not everyone is going to feel that connection, and that’s not only ok – but expected! It’s not like reading something and thinking, “I like the thought of that, I’ll believe that!”, it’s feeling the energy inside of you buzzing, it’s seeing outer world visions you never noticed before, it’s noticing synchronistic signs all around you, it’s hearing your intuition guide you louder and louder, it’s noticing when things get harder when you veer off the path you know you should be taking… it’s listening and observing and noticing how perfect the world already is. It’s such a beautiful thing. And even if after all that evidence that what you’re feeling has truth to it, even if it isn’t true in the end and it’s just our imagination (which is actually a big part of connecting)… but say this life isn’t the smoke and mirrors, but rather the spirituality is – then what is wrong with that? If thinking the universe has your back helps you go for what you deserve and live the life you’re meant to – then what is wrong with that? If we die and that’s it without the everlasting consciousness we believe to be apart of – then what was wrong with us living our best lives and feeling connected to something bigger while we’re here? If it makes you happy that’s all that will ever matter in this world. Just be the most joyful version of yourself. So that you love life. Who can disagree with that?