Love is always the answer.

I had some major breakthroughs today. 

First, I read a fellow lightworker’s story about how she came to discover her awakening and the lessons she had to learn in life before she got there.

It made me start to question my own story. I know what sparked my awakening in the past year, but how do my major life choices in the past 10 years play into all that?

I came to realize something that was a big shift in mindset for me. I had always felt that if you give in to the ego then you are not truly following your path. I would sometimes look back on my life and wonder how things would play out if I had gone the other route that my soul knew I was meant to follow. But today I came to realize that there are no mistakes. I followed my ego brain because I needed to learn from that experience. I needed to feel and live the pain that I did, and feel all extremes of where my emotions could take me, so that I could truly appreciate and love the true essence of me.

In the past decade I had often questioned my choices surrounding my ex boyfriend and the “why” of how things played out. What lessons was I meant to learn? Were there any lessons at all or did I just make bad decisions? I believe that meeting him was the beginning of my souls journey and now that I am enlightened the clarity is so apperent.

When I met my first boyfriend I was pulled into a whirlwind of love. He showed me how intensely I could love and how much of it is inside of me. I honestly had no idea. The enormity of it was beyond my wildest imagination and at times it was almost too much to bare. It was scary. I had lost myself in the tornado and didn’t know how to get back to the normalcy I once knew. My ego brain began to intervene. It needed to protect my heart from being broken. It needed to bring me to safe ground again. It felt that if I made the choice to move on that I would save myself from the heartbreak that I might feel if he had been the one to leave me. It was wrong. 

And so began the longest depression I hope I’ll ever face. The opposite side of love. Grief in the depths of despair.

I don’t know if I was always meant to leave, or if there is an alternate universe where I didn’t and where my soul learned all the lessons I was meant to without that ending, but I truly believe now that I was always supposed to leave because I can’t see how I would have this clarity now without my ego taking over back then. 

The heartbreak that came from that seperation filtered into everything I did. The watered down version of my life was purely a subject of my not allowing myself to fully live, as if there was no more opportunity for magic in my life after that loss. My photography passion never reached great heights, my friendships never escalated, my opinion of myself and what I deserved became more and more sabataged. Even my husband had never truly seen the amount of love that he deserved from me because I had buried it deep within myself, unable to break free.

Fast forward to my daughter being born and having that part of me reawakened in a way I never thought possible again. She ignited my determination to reconnect with my soul and as my spiritual awakening had evolved from there I’ve come to learn that I AM pure love. Well, we all are of course! But I know this is why I’m here. I’m here to love and be loved. I’m here to show the world that love is everywhere and to always focus on it and embrace it. 

Since embracing my truth, my passion for using photography as a tool to help us be more mindful is overwhelming! My passion for my husband is exciting and the change in him is equally surprising! My passion for my daughter and our family is like a long hug from an old friend. And my passion for my friendships has changed the dynamic that I have with every one of them in such a rewarding way. I know I deserve all the riches in my life and I can truly see them and savour them in a way I never could before.

If you look at the big picture of our soul’s decision to come to earth and learn a thing or two; I believe that mine wanted to know the full range of emotion that I could possess. My soul wanted to know how high I could love, and how low I could despair. I wanted to learn all of this so that I could see how important love is in our lives on earth and how lucky we are to feel it in such remarkable quantities, in such extraordinarily different ways for everyone and everything around us. If I didn’t feel the polar opposite of that, I would never feel a pull to gently save people from their dulled lives because I wouldn’t realize that living in such a muted way was even possible. We are only as smart as our perceptions.

I needed to experience my ex for these very important life lessons:

1. Always love like there is no such thing as a broken heart. 

2. Always know that your love comes from within YOU! So even if the person who sparked it within you is gone, your love will never leave you. 

3. When you miss that person, what you really miss is the love you felt. You miss yourself! When you realize that you have never left and neither has your love – since you are love – then you realize there is nothing you need to miss at all. It’s all right here. 

3. The capacity of love within me can be as enormous as I yearn to embrace.

4. I have a duty to love as brightly as the sun, and to help people realize that when their ego is ignored and they are mindful, their love will shine too!

I’m so grateful for everything I had to experience to get me to this point in my life. I can feel the tingle in my whole body with a sense of purpose and pure joy. What an incredible privilege I have to spread the message of love wherever I go!